Many associate this statement, “Speak now or forever hold your peace,” with weddings, but ironically it also applies to the workplace environment. Recently, a friend of mine was venting to me about how her boss was mistreating her and how sick she was of the entire situation. After she was done venting I asked her, “Did you tell your boss how you feel?” She answered, “No.” Now, before I tell you how I responded to my friend please note that I am not a callous person (I only warn you because some would view my response as so).
Now, I strive to be nice, helpful and patient, but I do have a tendency to be very direct (ironically, I think this is why people come to me for advice). Since I shared a little bit about my personality, hopefully this will give you insight into why I gave my friend this answer:
“Okay, I completely understand that your boss is treating you like a jerk, but this is your fault. If you are going to act like a doormat then you have to expect people to walk on you. Request to meet with your boss and tell her exactly how you feel—otherwise you need to quit complaining because you hold the key to changing this situation.”
I know your probably thinking, “What a witch!” How could you say that to your friend?” The reason I said this to my friend is because she is my friend. I hate to see others being mistreated because I have been there myself and I know how it feels. However, I finally realized that although I cannot control others actions—I can control my reaction to them. Many people adhere to the old adage, “Just ignore it,” when they are being mistreated. In certain situations, yes it is okay to ignore it, but when you are dreading going to work because your boss makes you feel incompetent—just ignoring it is not going to solve your problem.
What will solve your problem is having a meeting with your boss and letting them know how you feel. I am not a “do as I say not as I do” type of person so rest assure I have performed the advice I offered to my friend. I realize people don’t like confrontations (me included). Ironically, when you confront someone who is mistreating you for some odd reason you feel like you did something wrong or are being too “sensitive.” Get that nonsense out of your head! If you feel like you are being mistreated then it is your responsibility to notify the other person of how you feel—regardless of what that title that person may hold. Just because someone is your boss does not give that person the right to belittle or degrade you.
Misery loves company and those that are miserable seek to bring down those that cause them to feel threatened. This is their (miserable people) sick way of feeling “good” about themselves at your expense. I refuse to have someone receive satisfaction from belittling me so no matter how awkward and uncomfortable I may feel—I will confront that person. I strongly believe in confronting those who seek to cause strife. As an adult, you should be man or woman enough to pull someone aside and say, “I do not know if you mean to come across like this, but I feel like (insert whatever emotion this person is acting like) and I want you to know that I will not tolerate anyone treating me this way.” When you confront those who seek to cause trouble they know that their “game” is up. Speaking from experience, after I have met with the “troublemaker(s)” they tend to straighten up (without needing additional meetings!) and give me the respect that I demand.
I know some people have a fear of being labeled “confrontational.” Some people are so afraid of being labeled “confrontational” that they end up allowing people to use them. Many people have bought into “disproving” this adage by failing to defend themselves. When you do not confront people who are causing conflict for fear of being labeled “confrontational” you are giving these people what they want—power. They want to feel powerful and your silence is feeding into their ego.
Those who seek to cause strife realize that if the shoe were on the other foot they would defend themselves against any accusations or behavior seeking to degrade them. Confronting someone who you feel has wronged you in a professional demeanor is not being “mean” or “sensitive” it is asserting the confidence and respect that God has instilled in all of us.
You’re probably wondering, “What if I get fired?” Speaking from experience, I have been on jobs where I have confronted my superiors. Guess what? I have NEVER been fired. I always left my position on my term, oftentimes for another position that paid more money and offered more opportunity for growth. Many times, the person I confronted was either embarrassed or shocked so needless to say—I never had anymore problems with that person. Plus, if your boss is willing to fire you for sharing your feelings, you need to ask yourself, “Is my dignity worth giving up over this job?” For me being fired for speaking up for myself was a risk I was willing to take—at least I would have peace.
